Question: My boyfriend says he's pretty open about what we want to do and try in the bedroom. However, I feel like I'm always the one who is choosing what we do and wanting to try new things. I ask him what position he wants to do, or maybe something new he might want to try, but he always seems to come up with a blank. Then I get upset because I feel like he just isn't putting any effort into it being even a little creative. Can you help me find a way to get his creative juices flowing?
Answer: Creativity isn't something everyone has fine tuned. Like any skill, some people seem to have natural abilities. To handle this imbalance, you first need to gain a new perspective on the situation. More than likely, he really does want to try new things, but he just lacks the know-how to figure out what new things to try. Instead of taking it as a sign that he's not into that part of the relationship to the same degree you are, use your gift of creativity to his benefit by trying the ideas below.
If new positions are something you'd like to try, buy a few books on the topic and give yourselves a homework assignment. Each person should read through their book and sticky note positions they'd like to try. For a sexual communication lesson, write on the sticky notes why you want to try it, or how you think you'll benefit from that particular position.
To spice things up in the bedroom and get his input, you might also want to start a sex jar. For one week, have you and your partner go through sexual idea books, magazines and web sites. Write down any idea you'd like to try. At the end of the week, share all of your ideas and put the ideas that you both like, or would be willing to try, on slips of paper. Put the papers in a jar. When you feel like you want to try something different or new, take a slip out of the jar and do whatever it says.