"Books, places, amusements, people - how meaningless they become when we suspect that the person we love loves someone else!"
Gerald Brenan (1894 - 1987).
The question of how to handle infidelity in a relationship can be a very hard one to answer, but one that should be dealt with immediately. Otherwise, suspicions can grow from casual wondering thoughts to unconfrontable mountains and resentment very quickly. You deserve someone that is 100% yours and nothing less. At the very least you need to know where you stand so you can make an informed decision about whether there is any future for you in this relationship.
In all cases, open communication with your partner is extremely important and will provide the most effective solutions. Don't let yourself or your partner fall into the trap of holding things back and not talking about the situation, as that, all in itself, will lead to the end of your relationship, whether you physically break up or not.
"Loneliness is never more cruel than when it is felt in close (proximity) with someone who has ceased to communicate."
Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch
With healthy, open communication, you can create a bond with your partner that is so strong that nothing could break it. Any and all problems that arise can be handled immediately and with fairly little effort as, with communication, there is always plenty of love and trust. That is the ideal scene of any relationship. So, the first thing to do is to talk to your partner and find out if, in fact, you really do have something to worry about.
If what you suspect does in fact turn out to be true, then they really have to make a choice and decide which relationship they are going to pursue. One point that needs to be made here is that in no circumstances should you settle for anything less than a 100% commitment either way from your partner.
Now, in order for them to make a choice, there are a few things that your partner is going to have to honestly evaluate. Have them think about the following questions and then come back to you with a decision.
- What does the other person really want?
What are their true intentions? When doing this, it is important that your partner trusts his or her own feelings, instincts and experiences with that person.
- Evaluate the other relationship.
What is the person like as a partner? How do they really treat your partner? Is there a possibility of a lasting relationship? Decide on whether it is a good relationship or not.
- What does your current partner want?
What are your current partner's true intentions? What do they really want in a relationship?
- Evaluate the current relationship.
Is this a good relationship? Does it fit the description of the kind of relationship you want? Do they really love you and can you see a future? Was it something in the relationship that caused your partner to stray?
- Make a final choice.
At this point your partner has to look at all of the data in front of them and make a final choice. If they decide to stay with you, it is up to you to decide whether you can accept it or not. From that point on, you are effectively starting again in the relationship. A broken trust is hard to mend, but not impossible. As long as you are completely honest with each other and work at the relationship, you can overcome any hurdle that crosses your path.