My husband and I have been married almost 3 years. Right now he is living in Portugal and I am back in the US for medical treatment. He wants to go out with his single friends to the clubs. He says he's lonely and that he wants to hang out with his friends. I don't like the idea of him going to the clubs. Then I called him and he said that I am calling too much (because sometimes I call 2-3 times a day, only if I need something). Talking to him makes me feel better and not miss him so badly, but he says talking to me makes him miss me worse. I am so worried that our family is falling apart and I don't want it to. I trust my husband and I know he's not cheating, but it still bothers me that he wants to go out all the time. Can you give me any advice to help us make it through the next 6 weeks?
--Separation Is Killing Me
Dear Separation Is Killing Me,
First of all, relax. There's only a month and a half to go. If you've made it this far, I'm sure you both will make it the rest of the way just fine. You can't honestly expect him to stay home and just sit and wait for you. In the end he'll end up resenting you and doing it anyway, which will certainly cause more problems than if you just let him go. Every relationship is based on trust. If you can't trust him to go to a club with some friends, then what can you trust him to do?
As far as the phone calls go, many guys feel that way when they are apart from their loved ones. It's just their way of dealing with the separation. Instead of calling, maybe you could send an e-mail or instant message every other time you need something. Then set agreed upon times to call, so you don't feel like you don't get to talk to him.
In the end, whatever happens - happens. No matter how much you try to stop it. If he wanted to do something you felt uncomfortable about, he'd do it whether you tried to put stops on it or not. You have to be able to let go and trust that the person you married loves and respects you enough to be honest in any situation.
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