I was seeing a man, and then he was forced to move out of the state. Things were really bad for him and for myself at the same time, and we lost touch for about two months. One day we both happened to be online at the same time, and we talked for hours. Since then, we have talked online several times, and also on the phone. He acts like he cares for me a lot, and he apologized for losing touch with me. He wants me to come visit, but I don't know if I want to. I feel like our lives are so separate now, and I wouldn't know what to say. Since we started talking again, I have dropped tons of things in my life, and that makes me feel like he doesn't have enough time for me, because I cleared my schedule for him. I'm so confused now, because I know he feels strongly for me, but he is very busy with work. It hurts me, but I know that it is not his fault. What should I do? I don't want to lose him, but I sometimes feel like I don't have him. -Confused Californian
Dear Confused Californian,
I have complete empathy for what you are going through. Making the decision to start a long distance relationship is a tough one. The path is not easy, and often one partner will sacrifice more than the other. The only real hope or way to solve the types of problems facing this type of romance is through communication. It is the only tool you have and MUST be constantly used.
All relationships go through give and take periods. If you feel things are unbalanced, you need to tell him that. Give him the chance to help find ways that are beneficial to you both that will make it work. Odds are he's unaware of what you've been sacrificing to spend time with him online.
If you're not sure you want to see him in person, just tell him your concerns. You want to know if this relationship has a future. Communicating with him about the way you're feeling is the best way to find out. If he sincerely works with you about finding solutions to these problems, you may want to stick around to see if there is more potential to the relationship. If things don't change, or he is hesitant about helping, well, I think you know what to do. Just give him a fair chance. I'd hate to see you back away from a relationship that could be something great.
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