My boyfriend and I live in different countries. He has visited me three times this year, and I have gone to visit him once. We have talked about marriage, but he needs time to make arrangements in his life and work out how to go about moving here. The problem I have is that every time he visits me it gets harder and harder to say goodbye. I make myself physically ill. The last visit I missed three weeks of work. (The doctor said mono, but I say a broken heart). I don't want to tell him not to visit me because I enjoy our time together soooo much. But how do I handle the depression and sorrow when he is gone. We talk everyday and e-mail too, but it does not seem to be enough anymore. Any suggestions? -Truly Love Sick
Dear Truly Love Sick,
First, you need to do whatever it takes to realize that you will be together indefinitely at some point in the future. Set a reasonable "official" date for when he can move to you. This will help make things seem more concrete. Start a countdown and timeline to the day. For example, if the date is a year away, within 60 days apply for a visa and each month save X amount of dollars. The short term goals will help you concentrate on day to day living, while the long term goals will help give you the peace of mind you are looking for. When you're feeling down, surround yourself with people who can make you feel better. For instance, our cyber romance or long distance support group may be perfect for you. Long distance relationships are not easy, but if you can stick with it you will have a great foundation for a long and successful love affair.
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