The other day, I was going to ask my boyfriend some "getting to know you" questions. The first question I asked was "Is honesty always the best policy, even if it hurts?" He answered, "Yes." I'd said "I don't know." That was totally the wrong thing to say. Now, he's saying he doesn't know if he can trust me. I thought about it, and I decided "yes" too, but he doesn't believe me. I wasn't sure about my answer because when I was growing up, questions like that never came up, so I just never had an answer. We're in a long distance relationship, and at the end of December, when I finish school, we'd been talking about me going to live with him. Now, he's saying he doesn't know if he wants to live with me, because he's afraid I would run around behind his back. That is the last thing I would ever want to do to him. I want to share my life with him, but he's having second thoughts. I know he's really hurting right now, but I'm hurting just as bad. How can I get him to understand what I really feel if he doesn't want to believe me? -Scared of Losing Him
Dear Scared of Losing Him,
Insecurity can be an evil presence in a relationship. I know you have a lot of emotion and time wrapped up in this relationship, but I would take this as a sign of how he handles emotional issues. Seriously, do you want to be with a person who won't even talk about the issue, but just clams up and makes an instant judgment? When you're in a long distance relationship, while you do get to know the other individual in a more personal manner, you don't get to really see what day-to-day life would be like. With this situation you're being given a HUGE glimpse. In any relationship, when there aren't any trials or obstacles, of course everything is roses and lace. The real test of any relationship is how you face these obstacles or misunderstandings. Honestly, if I was in your situation, and this may sound extremely harsh, but I'd tell him if he's unable to trust someone whom he's said he loved, and he's unable to compromise and listen to the reason for the misunderstanding, then he's right, he should be with someone else. You have to learn to look at the big picture when situations like this arise. If he's unable to come through it, then don't look at it as your loss; it's his. He'll never find anyone who will make him completely happy with the way he handles things.
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