I Need To Know ...

To: Neko ~ From: D

Dear Neko,

Words cannot describe what goes through my mind when I think of you! It boggles my mind how someone can think of someone almost every single second, minute, and hour of every day!

You are truly amazing in everyway, the good and the bad! There was a time when I just didn't think it was possible for me to love again, the way I love you and yet, we are not together!

I sit here and ask myself how this is possible that two people, who care so much about one another, not be together! I love you and adore you! I feel we understand and know each other all too well sometimes! Our situation is so out of control, all the secrets, all the lies, all the hurting!

I ask myself is this all worth, and sometimes I just want to give in and say enough is enough, and let go, but then I think to myself all the good times and all the good in you and me and this relationship! People say if two people truly love one another than they should overcome anything!

Sometimes I feel it's only me who has the true love, and yours is just a fantasy love. I have put my heart and soul into the past 9 months of my life and you. I feel all the effort I have put forward has got to get me somewhere and then there are days that I just want to give in and say enough is enough. I'm done!

You're my baby, you're my love, you're my best friend, you're everything to me right now, so why, tell me why, why is it so hard to just move forward? It seems like every time I feel we get somewhere something happens or someone comes back along again. And I'm right back to square one! It just isn't right. I know you don't want to be with anyone right now, but yet I disagree on that! You say that you don't have another in your life, but I know you do! I know there is someone out there that is getting the time I deserve. And you say you love me truly and want me to believe you, well it's hard when I know you're with another.

I have proven my love to you, I'm not with anyone, I can't be, until I figure you and me and everything we have or don't have! I don't want to fight, I don't want to hide, and I don't want to lie! I want to be real! I want us to be real!

Please help me to understand where I stand! You can be so confusing sometimes with your actions and words! This situation is making me crazy, when it really should be giving me unconditional happiness! I choose to stay so I shouldn't complain, but I wouldn't stay if I didn't feel or you didn't make me feel there is a reason! That's why it's so hard to choose to go! Ultimately a decision will need to be made.

Friendship can remain, but are you ready to give up love? Because if your words are real to me when you say, "I love you," then this is something you won't let go of, but also won't take advantage of! I'm here because I want to be here, but a girl who is in love can only take so much. Remember, actions speak louder than words! I have not only told you but showed you how much I love you. Sooner or later something has to give; you tell me what that is!

You're my baby love and I will always love you!

Love always,

D